if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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