Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
