Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
They left me at home... I'm a liability
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
