I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
