my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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