He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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