When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
