i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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