he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
