dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
