Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
