i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
