You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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