Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize