He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
