Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
