I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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