I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
