Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
