I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
