fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
