omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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