somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
