you would pick up someone in the library
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
