carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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