The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
