no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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