also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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