Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
