i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I love having hate sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
