i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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