I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
