Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
