fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is Oprah even human
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
