I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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