called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
