I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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