I bet he comes in French.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Someone came in the potted fern
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
