ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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