I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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