i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
