47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
