I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
