We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
