Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
