apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I had to cum in my sink.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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