I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
