i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
