he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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