I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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