What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
