i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
