I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
