she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
