we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
