I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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