It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have already put on my inside pants.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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