Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
