margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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