Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
