he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
