Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
