her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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