It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
