You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
