My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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