Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
