Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
