its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize