remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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