First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm really busy with my period
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