Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Randomize
