Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dear god my vagina.
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