I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
