If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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