oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
