I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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