he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize