Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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