are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
