I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
