So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
