I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
