dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize