I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
