Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
