He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
