i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
