It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
