also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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