Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
