Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
