two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
