I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
