dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize