he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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