I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize