even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
